Hidup memang unpredictable. Kita tidak akan pernah tahu persis apa yang akan terjadi besok. Kemarin semuanya masih terasa damai di dalam hati ini. Semuanya masih tertata dengan rapi dalam harmoni yang menurut saya sudah according to plan. Namun, hanya gara-gara hal sepele, keteraturan itu buyar seketika, masih untung ia tidak berubah menjadi chaos yang bisa menghancurkan hal-hal yang sebetulnya tidak perlu hancur. It felt like i was pushed against the wall by other when i actually was also pushing myself. Harmoni yang saya jaga adalah sebuah keseimbangan bersumber dari kalimat “menyegerakan tetapi tidak tergesa-gesa”.
I was holding on that sentence until now. Dear Lord is this a sign from You that i have to finish this as soon as possible ? Please tell me and give me a clue Lord. Because it felt like i have done all the best that i could in order to accomplish this mission, but suddenly in the middle of the day other came to me and said that i wasn’t good enough, i wasn’t fast enough. Is this true Lord, that i wasn’t good & fast enough ? You know what’s open and what’s hidden. You know me better than i know myself. Please correct me if i’m wrong Lord, i felt like i have already been running when someone else told me that i was walking ... Please guide my way into Your way Lord. Now, I am determined to run even faster. I just want to finish this mission, no matter what the result may be ... Maybe at the end of the day, i do not get what i want, but i believe You know what’s better for me than i do... Is this related with thoughts about my mother coming into my mind each time i wanted to go to sleep ?
Soon all the questions will be answered ... Maybe it will be bitter, maybe it will become very sweet ... I do not know, and i do not wanna know ... I do not care. I just wanna this to be over, either into an absolute ending or a chapter of a brand new beginning ... Wallahu’alam.
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4 months ago